Title: Suicide by my side
Author: Hi-chan
Fandom: Own series
Disclaimer: -
Rating: PG
Warnings: death, darkfic, songfic
Contact: hi-chan@gmx.net
Dedication: all broken souls ...
Comment: Muah ... it just started to rain really hard and "Suicide by my side" by Sinergy is playing in the background ...

~ * Suicide by my side * ~

~ Living everyday through this nightmare, no signs of waking up
Surrounded by my fear and frustration, paralyzed, here I stand ~

[i]~ So I surrender now, and give up on myself
Been sinking for so long, I'm in to deep nowHow much more can I bear? Seems no one even cares
I'm drowning in a sea of ​​desperation ~

When will I finally be released from the pain? It's so big that it literally crushes my heart. When will my fear end? It gnaws at my broken soul, piece by piece. When will I finally be free? This life cannot give me freedom.
All tears are shed, all bills paid. Another world awaits me; calls me home

~ Suicide, the comfort that I crave
kill me now and send me to the grave
Suicide, you're listening to me
let me die and finally be free
Suicide, salvation from my pain
my demise, humanity to blame
Suicide, my life is in your hands
Suicide stay by my side ~

I take my eyes off the window and let it wander through my room. Everything is ready. The rope on the bed, the pills on the chair, the razor blade on the floor, the knife on the desk. Now all that's missing is my decision.
The only question is which one?The one with what I end everything or rather the one ... whether I really want to die.
Tears well up in my eyes when I think of the people who will miss me ... they don't even exist. I am lonely, alone, abandoned. I don't live, I just exist.

~ I've tried over and over again, still you see, I can't hang on
Hopelessly I lie and wait for redemption, as I slowly drift away ~

I've made up my mind ... I'll take the poison that's in my closet. Whether I want to is out of the question. The pain is too big ...

~ Drink of the poison now, and take my final bow
Don't know what lies ahead, I'll take that chance though
For all that I've been through, don't know what else to do
(I kiss my life goodbye so hear my last words ...) ~

With trembling hands I look in my closet. Am I afraid of death? Bullshit. Why should I? He will bring me redemption, no more torment me. He's the only one who understands me. Like a good friend ...~ Suicide, the comfort that I crave
kill me now and send me to the grave
Suicide, you're listening to me
let me die and finally be free
Suicide, salvation from my pain
my demise, humanity to blame
Suicide, my life is in your hands
Suicide stay by my side ~

Finally - I found what I was looking for.
My breathing is difficult, sweat shines on my forehead. Damn what's wrong with me ?! No, I am not going to pinch. This time my guardian angels won't interfere with me, I'll make sure of that! My time is up - I can feel it, I hope so, I believe it, I want it!

~ Suicide, be my guide, embrace me now, so I can die ~

I quickly drink the contents of the small bottle and almost vomit. It just tastes disgusting ... but that doesn't count anymore. Only the effect counts.
I slowly lean against the closet and slide my back down it. My legs get weak, my eyes glaze over. I assume everything was just blurry, the noises around me are getting quieter.All I can still perceive is the pattering rain, then I close my eyes, let my senses get weaker and weaker.
I outwitted them. I outwitted my guardian angels. A victorious smile graces my lips, then I fall into eternal darkness. What comes after is not important. The only important thing is that you can get away from this cruel world. I no longer exist for her - forever.

~ Suicide, the comfort that I crave
kill me now and send me to the grave
Suicide, you're listening to me
let me die and finally be free
Suicide, salvation from my pain
my demise, humanity to blame
Suicide, my life is in your hands
Suicide stay by my side

End my life! ~

~ end ~