** Snowflakes **

Snow!
Snow on your skin!
So red!
So cold!
Why only now ... this snow?

Snow is so white, but now it's red! It absorbs the color like water that runs away.
But it doesn't take away the pain in my chest.

Oh, you look so beautiful in all that snow.
And yet...
It is different.

How so?
The snowflakes fall on your body like powder.
Your lips, which I loved to kiss, are now ice cold and white, like the snow itself that covers them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been some time ... I've lived with you.
With you and my friends in Japan.
I would have loved to stay there forever.
But ... every new day, seeing you so happy, my stomach tightened.
I wanted so much to tell you everything, but ... I didn't mean to destroy your laughter.
So I was cold and aloof, like a block of ice. To all.
I was a coward, I knew that, but what should I do?

I didn't want to lose YOU!
Didn't want to throw yourself into misery!

Then when you went to China for a short time, my heart broke into a thousand pieces.
Was it because of that little pink haired girl that you got on so well with?
I buried myself in a hole of solitude.
When you came back, I was happy. But at the same time there was this certainty that I could never have you after all.

A year later, it was winter and the first snowflakes were falling from the sky, I decided to accept an old friend's offer and return to my home country.
To Russia.
The land of ice and cold.
Maybe there my heart, which was still too warm, would freeze to death for good!
I couldn't stay in your presence any longer.
I had to try to forget you, because otherwise I would break from love for you.
In Russia, with old friends who knew my past, I would fare better.When I had been living there for two months and I was slowly overcoming the pain of longing for you, something unexpected happened.
Tala, my best friend, went with me to the training room of the Blitz-Krieg boys every morning, but this time he didn't want to train.
When I was about to launch my blade into the arena, he took the rice rope from my hand and kissed me.
He said he loved me and that he wouldn't leave me to anyone else.

I had to think of you.
My heart hurt, but what should I do?
I don't judge myself when Tala tore my things from my body.
But the whole time my thoughts were with you.
The pain in my heart was worse than the pain in my abdomen.
Small tears ran down my cheeks.

When he was done with me, at first I thought he was going to go away.
But he took me in his strong arms and gave me the support I needed now.
He asked me if I wanted to be his friend.
I consented without having heard my words and knowing why I said them.

The months passed when I was happy with Tala, but ...
My heart was still crying for you!
I kept wondering how you are doing and what are you doing now?

Even though I had everything here, the void inside had not disappeared.
It got bigger every day without you.
The black hole in my heart ate its way through me until at some point I am just an opaque shell.

But then one day, when the snowflakes fell to the ground again, this was to change.
As I was roaming through one of Russia's forests, a blizzard was coming.
I tried to get into a cave not far away.

And then I saw you!
Sitting behind a tree, curled up like a cat.
I called your name and you turned a little to me.
I ran to you and knelt in front of you.
Quietly, barely noticeable, you whispered my name.I wanted to know what you are doing here, but you just smiled and then fell into my arms.
Your body was freezing. Your otherwise black hair was completely white from the snow and hung open over your shoulders.
I took you to the cave and made a fire.
You came to yourself quickly.

You apologized for the inconvenience you caused me.
And although I should have cheered you up now, only cold words came out of my mouth again.
You look to the side sadly.
It hurt to see you like that.
I went to you and took you in my arms.

Startled you open your eyes.
Quietly I whispered to you with all my courage what I was about to say.

I missed you!
You are the most important thing in my life!
I love you!

I was amazed at how easy it was to pronounce these words.

You looked at me like in a trance.
I waited for you to push me away, but the opposite happened.
You put your arms around me and replied that you love me too!

My heart leaped joys.
My stomach was tingling like crazy when I first felt your lips.

The snow storm was raging outside, but we didn't mind!
We kept each other warm by our love!

That night was like a dream.
The first time with you!

When we left the cave the next morning, hand in hand, the clouds were gone and the sun made the snow glisten on the trees.
It was wonderful.

We started walking.
Not back to Moscow, where the abbey stretched its terrible net, but in the other direction.
Just go somewhere. It didn't matter as long as we had each other.
I thought of Tala for a moment.
I felt sorry for him because I could never love him like the boy by my side.
And now that I disappeared without saying a word, was the worst sin I could have committed.

I knew that the abbey would haunt me, I told you that too, but you only said that you didn't want to let me go anymore and that I shouldn't be afraid.And just as I feared it at the time, it happened.
The abbey followed us every step of the way.
I knew traitors were being executed on them, but I didn't tell you.
I did not want to worry you.

Then, when the snowflakes fell for the third time, they should once again turn my fate upside down.

We stayed in a little house far up in northern Siberia.
They wouldn't find us there, we thought.
But it wasn't like that!

As we were looking for food together, you suddenly heard a noise behind us and turned around.
I thought it was just an animal, but then the shot came and everything around me darkened.

You screamed my name, dropped everything and jumped in front of me.
My eyes were slow to take in the pictures.
Your body in front of me.
Your cry of pain.
You doubled over and fell to the ground.
I fell on my knees.

The white snow around you turned red!
Your eyes stared up!

Then another shot and a man fell forward from behind a tree.
I looked around briefly and saw Tala aiming a gun at the man.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my arm.
You pulled yourself up by my sleeve and tried hard to say something, but only blood came out of your mouth.
Your lips formed my name.
A brief fleeting smile that now died forever.

I shouted.
I screamed your name
Took you in my arms and hugged you tight to me.
Tears ran down my face.
I cried until I ran out of tears, I couldn't let go of you.

When the sun was about to set and the snowflakes fell noiselessly from the sky, Tala managed to get me off you.

I stood in front of you.
Weeping.
With a pain in my chest that tore me apart.
You lay in the snow stained red with your blood.
Your lips were white
Your hair, as black as the color of the trees, circled your body.Your eyes closed
You looked so peaceful.

Tala wanted to dig a grave for you the next day, he promised me.
And after a few tries, I agreed to leave you here and go to the hut with him.

I didn't shut my eyes that night.
I saw you the whole time in front of me, in the white snow, like a holy angel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now the sun is slowly rising.
I sit in front of you with my knees drawn up and look at you.
It looks like you are sleeping.

I kiss your lips briefly and then take the pistol I took out of my pocket.

I hold her to my temple.
But before I pull the trigger I hear someone scream my name.

It's tala.

But he's too late.
I smile at him and then take a quick look at you.
You are still not awake, and you will never be again.

One last tear runs down my cheek.

I pull the trigger.

The pain runs through my entire body.

I see you one more time.
All from you.
Everything we ever experienced together.
The first night together.
The year of happiness.
The way you fall in the snow.

And in my mind with you, I fall next to you.
The snow is whirling up and now it's my blood that turns it red.

A quick look at the sky lets me see snowflakes that slide softly down.
Yes, the snowflakes!
The snowflakes that changed my life over and over again.
And now for the last time.

It turns black around me.

************************************************** ********************

Tala saw from afar how Kai put the gun to his temple.

<< Kai, you idiot !! You love Ray ... you really love him with all your heart!
Why did you never tell me that? Kai!
... I pray for you ... that you will meet him again in heaven! >>

The redhead started to cry when he saw Kai's last smile.

And as the shot filled the air, the first snowflake fell from the sky, heralding the new millennium.~ Owari ~