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Part 1: ~ The emotions ... feelings of birth ~

When I first opened the world, I didn't have the time to discover the world. I already knew everything. I knew involuntarily that the light I was seeing was artificial. I knew what kind of noises I was hearing in the background and what surgical equipment they belonged to. I knew how old those people were who were leaning over me.

My "birth", or rather my "awakening", was actually neither, but the word "long sleep" was a better description, but it didn't quite fit it. This black depth that I had been to knew no words. It was beyond anything that words could have expressed ... not that I could have done that. After all, I didn't know what feelings are.

Now when I looked into these two faces ... I knew who they were. I knew their names, their history. I knew the world even though I had never seen it. The only thing I didn't know were feelings, were emotions that made you human. "So ..", I thought calmly and factually, "am I really human?"

When this shot through my head in more or less half a minute or even less, this time seemed so much longer to me because the first feelings, no, I am improving: impressions, were from my first life in the light. I said earlier that this could have been compared more to a long sleep.As soon as I recognized Orochimaru and Kabuto at my bed, or rather the operating table, I got up and bowed automatically to them. "Orochimaru-sama, Kubuto-sama." I said quietly but clearly. The fact that I was completely naked didn't bother me.

Well, disturb would be said too much. Rather, I did not notice it at all. It was burned into my brain that people with these faces had to be respected. Nothing else mattered at that moment. Indispensable.

Still, that was only part of me. Exactly at that moment, when I was standing in front of Orochimaru and Kabuto, the two actually strangers to me, a strange feeling arose in me, deep in the farthest corner of my brain ... or no, let's call it a movement. It was ... strange, a strange feeling. It was a part of me that objectively, without rules, observed and judged the situation. And this judgment .. it tasted .. weird. It didn't feel right, so wrong. Later I found out that this movement was a feeling, the first feeling at all, besides pain that I knew from my life in the dark. I felt ashamed.

But at the same moment I knew as soon as I noticed this emotion that it was wrong, that it was forbidden. I knew that it shouldn't have existed ... to this day I don't know how I knew it. Maybe it was burned into my brain, maybe it was Ororhcimaru's looks. And already at that moment I knew that I had to suppress this feeling, that I couldn't let them guide me. That's not what I was here for. I only knew that I had been created, or rather brought into life in the light, because I had a task to do. I just knew this, just as I knew that feelings couldn't exist. At least not for me.

At that moment, I vowed to myself not to allow any feelings, even though it had been my dearest wish to experience the opposite of pain and darkness,happiness and light.And this wish would be my undoing, it would conjure up a chasm in me that even Orochimaru had not branded in my ear. But at that moment I only wanted one thing: I wanted to survive. And so I stood there, waiting for the one command that would shape my life.

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next chap: approx. 16-18.1. , so next week ^^