~ ATTENTION ~ A warning to all who suffer from SVV and are not stable - the story is very specific to the topic in some places !! - So if you are not stable, I ask you not to read this OS - I wish everyone else a lot of fun;)

-None of the characters appearing here is mine! -I don't make money with my stories, I write them because I enjoy it!

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I CAN`T LIVE WITHOUT YOU

The wind lashes over the roofs.
Every now and then the clouds clear and the full moon is bright and clear for a few brief moments.
I sat up with a jerk. I must have nodded off for a moment and slipped my head against the cold window pane.
My gaze slowly glides over the roofs of the houses that are so familiar to me. A sigh escapes my throat and my thoughts wander, away from Konoha-somewhere to nowhere, to where you are. As so often, I remember the time when you were still here. Tears well up in my eyes, run down my cheeks, leaving cold marks on their way.
I cry silently to myself.
How often have I looked for you after our last meeting, in vain ...
Every night I woke up screaming, drenched in sweat, with tears streaked my face, even in my dreams looking for you. But you weren't there - you were gone with HIM because you wanted his "power" ...
You hurt me so much when you left Konoha back then.
But when I met you on a mission four months ago, an almost dead hope began to flare up again in me.
I couldn't believe it, after two years of searching in vain you suddenly stood in front of me. I didn't want to believe my eyes and yet it was true - I had finally found you.
And even though you had changed completely and I didn't recognize you, I still loved you.
Yes Sasuke, I loved you then and I love you now!

But when Orochimaru appeared and you disappeared with him, leaving me alone again, you finally smashed my heart into a thousand splinters.
I tried to get over the fact that you weren't there and wouldn't come back, but I couldn't.
For weeks I only cried, cried because I wasn't strong enough to protect you from him, cried because I couldn't keep my promise.
It's all getting too much, I can't stand this pain any longer.
I reach for my nightstand, open the top drawer, and reach inside.
I feel my fingers close around the cold metal. I sat down completely on the windowsill again, pulling up the sleeves of my pajamas and looking at my arms.
They are littered with small and large scars. Some may be from missions, but most of them are from myself.Hundreds of lines shimmering silver in the moonlight criss-cross my arms. A clearly visible scar that runs horizontally over my left arm awakens a memory that I have long kept in my heart ...
It started when I was a little boy. Nobody wanted to have anything to do with me, they hated me and I didn't even know why.
They treated me like a monster, today I know why, but then I was too small to understand. I was a little boy lost in the big world.

Without family.

Without friends.

Without a past.

Without a present.

Without future.

But then you came ...
You didn't care what the others thought of you when you played with me.
We are so much alike. We were both on our own and very lonely. We didn't trust anyone but ourselves and yet we trusted each other. We became friends. The friendship with you gave me a lot of strength.
But I was still too weak to be able to bear the cold looks of the people in Konoha.
You knew after a short time what I was doing but you never asked me about it.
You treated me like a normal little boy and I'm still infinitely grateful to you for that.
One day burned itself incredibly deeply into my memory ... it was my sixth birthday ...

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * Flash back ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

How could they have been so mean ?! They all knew exactly that it was my birthday today and still ...!

When I made my way to the playground this morning, the people on the streets looked at me even colder than usual and some even shouted insults after me that I couldn't understand. When I got to the playground, even the children looked at me angry and cruel cold at the same time.
When I wanted to swing, another boy quickly sat down on the seat and said, full of hatred: “It's busy!” When I wanted to go to the slide, a little girl pushed me and then stuck her tongue out. A little confused, I went to the climbing wall and tried to climb it. Almost at the top I wanted to carefully climb to the other side but when I looked up, I saw the hateful face of the little boy from the swing. "We don't want you here! Get out of here, you monster!" He yelled at me and threw himself at me with all his might. I lost my balance and a shocked expression filled my eyes as I fell two and a half meters.
The hard impact took my breath away. I slumped on my knees and grabbed my chest. I gasped, literally gasped for air.
After seemingly endless minutes I caught my breath again when I suddenly felt someone kick me hard on the ribs. Pain shot through me and I toppled over.
Again and again I was hit and kicked.I tried to protect myself somehow but it was useless. "Stop it, leave me alone!" I shouted but they didn't stop pressing on me, they just shouted: "You monster! You have damned it!"
I started calling for help but no one seemed to hear me.
~ // I'm lost, everyone hates me. Nobody will help me, they will beat me to death if I don't do anything
Although the blows hit me inexorably, I tried to get up. But it didn't improve my situation much. They had surrounded me, their hateful looks pierced me from everywhere. "Leave me alone, I haven't done anything to you!" I tried and saw the girl who had pushed me earlier. She avoided my gaze.
Before I could start another sentence, I felt someone push me forward. I stumbled and fell against the girl who pushed me back into the circle. Again someone pushed me and I felt against a boy. He also pushed me back again. Malicious laughter reached my ears and with every new bump they shouted things like "You got that out of it" or "Come on, fight back you monster" "Monster, monster!"
Tears welled up in my eyes and I shouted desperately: "I'm not a monster! Stop it!" But they just laughed and pushed me faster and harder. When I hit the boy who had pushed me off the climbing wall, I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the circle. It took a moment for the others to realize what had happened and to stop pushing me around. I pushed the brown haired boy as hard as I could on the ground.
Immediately everyone ran to him and asked if he had injured himself in his "fall". I used my changse and ran from the playground as fast as I could. On the street I suddenly stood across from Sasuke and looked at him in shock. "Naruto! What happened?" He asked, startled. Without giving him an answer, I turned around and ran home as fast as I could. I didn't want him to keep seeing me like that, he shouldn't know what they'd done. I did not want that!!
I stumbled into my apartment, slammed the door behind me, took off my shoes, and went to my bedroom. I opened the top drawer of my bedside table and took out a kunai. I went to my closet and looked at myself in the large mirrored doors. I didn't look particularly good ... my arms and legs were covered in bruises and abrasions. My lower lip was badly swollen, there was blood in the corners of my mouth and I had a not exactly small laceration on my head. The blood had run down my temple, cheek, down my neck until it seeped into my T-shirt, which had a large blood stain on the spot.
I could imagine that Sasuke must have been pretty scared when he saw me. But that didn't matter now.I went back to my bed and crept in the corner between the bed and the nightstand.
I was used to people staring at me with hatred. But something like this had never happened before.

How so?

That one word rushed through my mind over and over again. What did I do to them? Why did they call me a monster?
"WHY ?! WHAT DAM I DAMNED YOU ?!" I yelled at the top of my throat through the empty apartment.
Tears ran down my cheeks ... My heart was beating unnaturally and fear welling up in me. I suppressed this uncomfortable feeling, reached back and rammed the kunai into my left arm with full force. Quickly, so as not to lose heart, I pulled it horizontally over my arm.
In order not to have to cry out in pain I bit my lip and after a short time I had a sweet taste on my tongue, the taste of blood!
At first it just trickled onto my tongue, but after a few seconds it ran like a small trickle into my mouth. It felt like my lower lip was pulsing. I carefully pulled my teeth out of my lip and ran my tongue over the bite mark. I must have bitten pretty badly, I had a pretty hole in my lip. Would that make it swell even more? But that would probably not be noticed at all.
The penetrating smell of fresh blood brought me back to reality and my eyes fell on my arm. Warm blood ran over it, dripped onto my clothes and the floor. I pulled the kunai out of my flesh and a whole gush of fresh blood flowed from the wound. Carelessly, I dropped the kunai next to me on the floor, pulled my knees to my body, put my left arm on it and began to lick the blood around the wound. Fresh blood flowed immediately afterwards, but that didn't bother me very much. Slowly I put my lips on my battered flesh, closed my eyes and concentrated fully on the tickling sensation of flowing blood under my lips. After a few minutes I opened my lips a crack and carefully sucked in a little blood. It hit my tongue hot and fresh and I automatically took a deep breath. Just as I was starting to lick the blood from the open wound, the doorbell rang. I paused for a moment and listened intently.
Another ring longer than the first.
I turned back to my arm. Whoever stood in front of the door didn't know that I was home, so