I was startled.
Opened his eyes, just wanted to get out.
My head was still rustling when I noticed how the sunlight stabbed my eyes through the curtains.
The dream passed through my head like an increasingly transparent veil. It slipped away from me, only this uncomfortable feeling remained, this tightening of the chest.
An invisible force squeezed my heart together, a real guilty feeling.
I hastily ran through my wildly protruding hair, quickly wiped my sweaty forehead and then felt for my glasses. Found this on the bedside table next to me and swung me out of bed at the same time. My double bed. My marriage bed where the other person was missing.
My bare feet alone found their way out to the gallery, down the stairs and into the kitchen. The smell of coffee immediately caught my nose, as did that of the baby food that was there on the counter.
In my mind I was still too busy trying to suppress the dream. Though it was only faintly somewhere in my mind.
I overheard how Lily came into the kitchen. Throwing me a bright smile and Harry on her arm copied that smile. The little one in his romper suit wiggled his legs and played with one of the long strands of Lily's red hair.
I just stood impassively in the kitchen. Saw nothing. Didn't hear anything.
Until she shook my arm while pouring a shot of coffee from my cup in my hand onto my arm. I opened my eyes, but only breathed an "ow!"
Then I looked at her fully awake.
"Lily!"
She drew her lips together in a thin line, she felt exactly what was going on.
"Have you had that dream again?" she whispered weakly. But in the meantime I was looking at my son again, who was now reaching out to me. I carefully held out my index finger to him, which he immediately cupped with his little paws. Even tried to bite my finger.
"James!"
I winked. Lifted my head until my eyes met those green ones.
"Sorry. Was just a little wrong."
She just shook her hair in worry. She didn't believe me. After all, I had the dream for the fourth time in a row. And again and again I was startled. Then stammered to me like a drunk and didn't notice.
Lily knew something was wrong. She paddled back into the living room, put Harry under his mobile, came back to me and pulled me onto one of the wooden kitchen chairs.
"And now you tell me about this dream."
I immediately shook my head in the negative. If he was beating me up like that, what was he doing with her?
"James, I can no longer watch how you suffer from this nightmare night after night! Think about me!"
And my eyes fell on the black liquid in my cup. The fine waves that hit the porcelain rim. The sunlight was reflected slightly broken on the surface, breathed something beautiful into everything.
"James!"
I nodded.
And finally I started to tell ...Flashback

Sirius was still babbling over the few verses of the Slytherin mockery song that he knew, which wasn't much. They were just on the way up from the Quidditch Stadium to the castle. The first game of the season had gone well, as Ravenclaw had packed the Slytherins in the bag.
James Potter was already tinting his blue scarf back into the proud red when Peter joined the two who were moving leisurely like the other students up into the castle for lunch.
The little chubby had a brooding face that didn't suit him at all, and that was exactly what made Sirius fall silent when he stopped in front of them. And he huffed as if he'd run all over Hogwarts once.
"Pete!" Black roared and put an arm around James' neck to support himself in his ecstasy of joy, "What happened to you?"
Only James raised an eyebrow in anticipation.
"Where's Remus?"
And Peter Pettigrew swallowed audibly.
"Professor Dumbledore caught us going down to the game. He said Remus had to come along, it was important." He stuck his tongue between his lips as he tried hard to remember what was said, "Anything." because of a medal or something ... and a phoenix. "
And with James and Sirius he ´clicked´ at the same time.
Without paying any more attention to their friends, they rushed up through the oak portal, up the marble stairs, sharpened the corridors, and slid to the portrait of the fat lady.
The reproachful words from the lady in pink were skilfully ignored, climbed through the hole and stormed up between the staring students into their dormitory. Up in the tower room.

The young Black quietly pressed the doorknob and peered into the room with only one eye.
If something had happened, then one would have to adjust to Remus' whims ... But it remained calm. He pushed the door open further so he and James could sneak through.
On the four-poster bed in the middle, Remus sat at the end of the bed, his feet dangling over the edge. Head bowed, gaze fixed on a photo in trembling hands.
He didn't look up. He knew exactly who had just slipped into the room.
"I am sorry." he just whispered.
And the two soul brothers sat down to the left and right of the pale boy.
"What happened to Moony?" James asked, wrestling the photo with his tense finger. The photo of all the people from the Order of the Phoenix.
"They are all dead."
"Who's Dead Moon Who?" Black urged on. But Remus just shook his head. Now tears were running out of his eyes.
"My parents ... your parents!" he whispered and everyone knew that by ´your parents´ meant the Potters.
James ran down his spine, goosebumps stood up and stared dazedly at his friend.
Sirius clapped his hands over his face. Hadn't he been the foster son of Dorea and Charlus Potter!
Remus was sobbing hard now, repeatedly shaking the werewolf's body. James had closed his eyes and now swayed and stumbled into the bathroom.Seconds later you could hear the rushing water, which suffocated the screams of pain heavy and wet. Even a Sirius Black couldn't chase his best friend. He put an arm around Remus' shoulders comfortingly and hugged him.
"Moony, Moonylein! We ... I-" He couldn't think of anything. He had never been the Comforter. He could only be there and rock the boy back and forth while the boy cried on his shoulder.
The screams from the bathroom grew lower and lower, now mixed with the violent fits of crying. The salt tears disappeared in the water. Never seen again.

end

I sighed.
Actually, I never wanted to tell anyone about this event.
No one should ever hear of the day I lost my parents. Lost because of a man, a monster, who now also hunted me and my family. The day Remus would never see his parents again.
And right now remorse crept into my heart.
I accused Remus of treason!

Lily, who had taken my hands in hers during the story, was smiling now.
That warm smile that told me:
Do you get the point
"Lily, I have to apologize! I did everything wrong!" I uttered and looked at the calendar. October 31
Sirius wanted to come over tonight. They wanted to celebrate Halloween. In a small circle.
"I have to get him back!"
Lily nodded.
"It can't be him. You know that! You have wronged him!" she said and got up. Ran out of the kitchen and sat down next to Harry to play with him.

I sat in the kitchen for a long time.
If I had known that I would never see my friends again this evening, I would have got up right now and looked for Remus.
I would have told Sirius I was wrong. Our Moony never be a traitor!
And I would have looked for him!
But I put it on tonight. I wanted to discuss it with Sirius first.

If only I had known that I would never get around to it ...