Why couldn't I suppress all these thoughts that were floating around in my head? That one encounter with my brother had thrown me completely off course. Should i be happy? Just try to suppress it? Which I didn't succeed one way or the other and was actually not worth any further consideration. Should I try to see it from a different, more positive side and maybe still be able to draw hope? He seemed to make a different impression, a thoughtful one. But was it really up to me? Or was he actually thinking of something completely different and not seeing me as I had hoped? In the end, did I drive myself crazy for nothing and it wasn't what it seemed? All this thinking drove me completely crazy and, if I continued like this for a long time, would only give me a headache. But I had to be able to cling to something, something I had to find so that I didn't break even further inside. What was anything but easy, because I had almost given up the fight, just had no strength left to oppose the constant pressure. I had to be perfect, I couldn't reveal the slightest sign of weakness.

I was like a mindless puppet, directed by the devil himself, who would not forgive and severely punish even the smallest mistake. A puppet, a shadow of myself, and almost everything I started was doomed to failure. I was in danger of breaking completely under this constant burden. But I tried, as long as I could somehow, to hesitate and still look for a solution, a way out, how I could escape the whole thing. Still, I kept trying to convince myself that it was all just a bad nightmare, that I just had to wake up to escape everything, to be free to do what I wanted, just me and no one else, no prescriptions from anyone. There couldn't be such a cruel and brutal world, could it? Could it really be that bad? But no matter how hard I tried and refused to admit it, it was the cruel reality that I would never escape.

As long as there was even the slightest chance, I tried to be strong in order to be able to bear my agony to some extent. I didn't let anyone get in touch with me, and so didn't let anyone know that it was all just a lie I'd built myself, that behind the facade, this wall - behind which I was hiding - there was only a small, fragile, help-seeking girl. If that ever came out, I was as good as delivered, because it was never allowed to get that far, no matter what I had to take on and endure. That would be my sure end, which is why it was so damn important to keep it a secret and make everyone believe that what they saw was all real and not a role I played.

But I was terribly afraid, because I didn't know what to expect. It was clear to me that it should never mean something good if Boris wanted something from you.How he dealt with the others, however, I didn't know exactly, but I thought that he was a lot nicer to them, if you could even begin to call it that with him. But still, not the way he was to me and that really scared me. But I couldn't let it show under any circumstances.

My heart started racing more and more with every step I took. It was beating so fast that it contracted in pain and threatened to explode and every single heartbeat held ominously in my ears. The feeling I had couldn't really be described. It was just the panic of - not knowing what to expect - which slowly but inexorably arose within me. It was becoming more and more difficult for me to suppress my panic and under no circumstances to point outwards. I had to maintain that cold, emotionless expression that gave me protection at all costs. You could almost see the beads of sweat that formed on my forehead. My entire body was shaking and I was freezing. It was almost a miracle that Tala didn't notice anything.

This long, incessant walk, which was still far too short for me - Tala, who walked next to me so calmly and never made a face, who seemed to know nothing, to whom everything just seemed totally irrelevant to what was around him happened - and this complete ignorance was really pure torture and drove me completely insane.

My body tried more and more to resist me and to obey me just a second longer. But no matter how hard he tried, he still had to do it, even if I would have loved to allow it, which unfortunately was not up for discussion. Deeper and deeper, into this cave that seems to be getting colder and darker. I found it harder and harder to focus on something as simple as putting one foot in front of the other. But in this situation, it was something completely different, my body did what it wanted and to keep it under control seemed almost hopeless. I just wanted to stand there, turn around, and run away. Far, far, away where it didn't matter, but just as far as it was somehow possible, away from this eerie place that radiated so much darkness. It was like throwing a rope to a drowning man, he would not refuse it or even think about it, but grab it immediately. Exactly this feeling, I felt deep inside me and it became more and more noticeable. It was getting harder and harder for me to suppress it, but somehow I had to try to switch off my feelings and banish them deep inside my soul. However, I didn't really want to succeed - this time - it only caused more panic in my body, to which I was helplessly exposed. I wasn't even aware of my surroundings anymore, because I was so busy with myself, my thoughts and my fear. What should i do? How severe would the punishment be this time? What was he up to, why did he have me called here and right after the fight?What did it all mean? And again the incessant questions were spinning around in my head and nothing, absolutely nothing could give me an answer to any of these questions. This uncertainty scared me so much.

"We'll be right there", with these, for me, cruelest words of all that he could have ever chosen and which reflected the pure fear in my eyes, Tala tore me out of my thoughts. Only a few more steps separated me from the gates of the underworld. My heart was beating up to my neck - as if I had just run a marathon and that completely without any training - and it contracted again in pain, the pain I felt in my chest made my eyes narrow slightly.

After what felt like hours - which unfortunately were only seconds and yet passed much too quickly for me - we reached the room in which Boris - the head of all evil - was waiting for us. The cave of horror that I had to enter and of which I was so afraid was unbearable. When we stood directly in front of it, Tala knocked on the door and waited. After a short wait, an "in" could be heard from inside. So the time had come, the gates of the underworld opened. He opened it and we entered, then he closed it again behind him and was now standing right next to me in the room. After we entered the room, Boris looked directly over at Tala and only a "You can wait outside" could be heard. He nodded to understand that he had understood and in the next moment he turned around and left the room again. Again my body wanted to act without my consent and would have loved to grab Tala by the arm to stop him and beg him not to do so. But I just managed to regain control of my body at the last second and thus dissuade it from his plan. As if in slow motion, I watched from the corner of my eye how Tala slowly moved towards the door and slowly closed it behind her, thus sealing my fate.

Unfortunately, Boris wanted to talk to me alone and for this reason sent Tala back outside. What a miracle, which I was unfortunately only too painfully aware of. A big lump formed in my throat that almost threatened to choke me.
It happened what I had feared all along and which made me so afraid. I was alone with him - the devil in person - in a room, the door of which had just closed behind me and would probably no longer open so quickly.
Trapped in the lion's den, from which there was no escape.

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That was it again. I hope you enjoyed it and you are looking forward to the next chapter ^ - ^
your Aki