Aloha people ...

This FF originated in one of my deep depressions. A song got me out of this and a conversation with kleinSango. That's why I dedicate this fanfic to her. Firstly because it helps me get out of the depression and secondly because it is her birthday today. So to say it is a birthday present for her.
If it doesn't become clear that these are Seto's thoughts, I'll tell you beforehand. The story itself got a very sad, depressive touch. The story is based on the song "Absent" by Neve. The band is rather unknown, but the song is awesome. Some passages are listed in the story. Maybe I'll still get positive clerks.

signed Moki

[b]Absent[b]

There she goes
And she's right on track
She said for now I can't be here
But I'm coming back
And she knows
In the same old sky
That I'll be up within the clouds
Making sure she's fine

And I don't want to be alone
You know I come from a broken homeI just can't do without it

These words keep going through my head. Again and again I see this scene happening in my mind's eye. There it is, right in front of my eyes. I see them. Yesterday she told me she was leaving. Far, very far from me It was a slap in the face, but her opinion was clear. But I stayed tough, I just told her to go quietly to make her dream come true. It seemed to me that the words hit them as deeply as mine. Last night I slept restlessly, more precisely, I didn't sleep. My eyes were open. We never said how we felt for each other, but even without words there was a bond between us. Most of the time she was away with her friends, not much with me, but even one look was enough for me. Sometimes she stood by me, we talked about rather trivial things, but I loved listening to her voice. Her words sounded lighthearted, even when she spoke on serious subjects.But I didn't just love her voice, I loved her eyes, her hands, the scent of her hair, you could say I loved each of her cells. I will never feel it. Never again those gentle looks, the warm charisma. Then the door opens. Mokuba stands in front of me. I look at him confused. “Where were you earlier?” I look him in the eye. I'm not sure if he sees that it bothered me to see her, the only woman in my life, go away. I look at my papers again. "It's not that important," I mumble to myself. "Well, I'll go see Yugi, see you later" I nod in agreement and the door closes again. I look at a picture on the table. It's from the last day of hiking. Mokuba was allowed to come with me, the timpanist didn't mind. Since he doesn't go anywhere without his camera, of course she had to go with him. He took countless pictures. One of you and me, Marron. We're just eating.Not the best time to take a photo, but it looks cute. I look at the sheet in front of me. Declaration of consent that Mokuba will take part in the school trip. I sign it. Then I look at the calendar. So in 3 weeks I'll be alone. If she were still here I might have asked her, but I don't know if she would have said yes. I get up from my chair. I move into the room, let my body sink onto the sofa. My eyes close I fall asleep. Something is shaking me. "Seto! Hey, wake up" I see blue hair in front of my face. Then Mokuba's face. He really should go to the hairdresser's. “What is it?” Slightly irritated, very sleepy, I sit up. The 9 p.m. news is on. I must have slept a good 7 hours. "Have a look on TV" I roll my eyes briefly and look at the screen. I see a passenger jet catch fire and sail into the water.At first I am disinterested, because you see something like that every day, but when the news anchor says that it was the 3 o'clock flight that ended in the water, my gaze petrifies. A sword pierces me. I feel nothing. Just emptiness. It seemed to me that I stayed so motionless for hours, days, even weeks, but it was only seconds. Mokuba had noticed beforehand that it wasn't what I was interested in and went to the TV to switch over, but then I loosened my mind from the current condition. I must have yelled out loud that he shouldn't switch, because he looked at me with wide eyes. The news continued. No survivors, they said. The sword pressed deeper into my chest. I got up and went to my room. Mokuba had asked something else, but I only saw his mouth movements, I didn't hear anything around me. I turned on the music. It was actually pointless because I didn't realize anything around me. I was trapped.Caught in grief and pain. I slipped out of reality. I had slept before, but I couldn't open my eyes. The only strange thing was that I wasn't crying. Not a tear ran down my cheeks that made me feel like it. I wish I had cried. I wish I weren't such a block of ice. Why am I not like Mokuba? Why not open-minded and happy? Why am I so hard, so aloof?

I wake up in your arms
I know inside it's true
Darling do those things you choose
I wake up all alone
I know inside I'm home
But I know it's better
Waiting for so long

It is these lines that are floating around in my mind. Yes, I would like to lie in her arms, I would like to fall asleep next to her and wake up again. In my dreams I can do all of this, but unfortunately it is only dreams and reality is very far from it. She is inaccessible. My alarm clock pulls me out of my dreams.I hit him, but again I miss him. Next time I'll put it closer. Wearily, I lift my head. Was it all just a bad dream or reality yesterday? It must have been a dream, because fate won't mean that bad for me, no, for her. Just the idea that she would never return would kill me. I shuffle into the living room. As always, the telly is on and Mokuba fell asleep in front of it. I wake the little one. Mokuba looks at me with big eyes. I sit down next to him. “What was the matter with you last night?” “With me?” I look at him. Is it true? "Well, you looked like you were a psychopath" "When?" "According to the report from the plane" So it's true after all. Every single word. Suddenly every fiber of my heart aches. I seem to slump inside. My head sinks into my hands. Then I hit the tabletop. I don't even feel this pain anymore.I lean backwards. “What's the matter with you, big guy?” I smile even though I don't know why. "Marron was on the plane" I must have looked stupid at that moment. I smile as I tell my brother that an acquaintance of ours has died. My brother's eyes are wet, tears run down his cheeks. Why can he cry while I'm still smiling? I want to cry too, but it doesn't work. First I wipe the tears from the little one's eyes and hold him in my arms. "It's okay, just cry." He clings tightly around me. I run through his hair. He cries bitterly. Then he looks up. “Didn't she mean anything to you?” Why does he ask that? He knows exactly how much I loved her. How I wanted to be with her. Why does he ask that? "She meant more to me than your thinking ability can" "And why don't you cry? Why are you just cool?" He buries his face in my shirt.I stroke his hair. After 10 minutes he seems to have calmed down, at least he looks up and tries to smile. Then he hops off the couch and goes into the bathroom. My way leads me to the kitchen. I make the bread for mokuba. I look at the knife. It would be my way to her, but I can't leave Mokuba alone. I can't leave him alone. Then he taps to me. His breakfast is on the table, but he's just poking around in his cornflakes. However, lecturing him that he should eat would be wrong. I know how he feels I sit down with him and have a cup of coffee. “Mokuba?” He looks at me. "Little one, you are going to school alone today, I have something to do in the company ..." It's a cheap excuse and Mokuba notices it too, but he does an exemplary job and doesn't go into it any further. "Of course ... I have to go then" He grabs his things and runs out of the villa.I look after him, but then look in the newspaper. I don't want to look at the title page, but I do it involuntarily. I skim the text. He says exactly the same thing as the news. No deviation. I crumple the newspaper, I toss the piece of paper at the other end of the kitchen. My head sinks on the table. The record is cold, my head is glowing and is about to explode. I turn my head and look at the place where Mokuba was sitting. Then I get up and clear the table. I don't even turn on the radio. My cell phone rings, but I ignore it. I want to be alone, enjoy the solitude undisturbed. No, I want to see her. I discard all plans for today. I lie down on my bed. I turn from one side to the other. Why have I never told her how I feel, what she means to me? What we could do in the afternoon, but this insight comes too late.Mokuba will surely talk to Yugi and the others. You're going to talk to Mai about Marron. Why is she not at school? She hadn't told the others that she was going. Mai and I knew about it. She shouldn't have told me. She could have disappeared from my life without saying a word. Maybe it would hurt less than knowing she was never coming back. I bite my pillow. I want to suppress the tears, but it doesn’t work. Now they're running down my cheeks. From second to second there are more. I can't hold her back. I'm crying, no, I'm crying. Deep sobs and big tears. It's never been that bad. She meant a lot to me, she was and will always be the only one. My eyes are starting to hurt, but I can't stop. It's relieving. Finally I can carry all frustration, all fear and above all sadness outwards.At some point I cried myself to sleep. I dont dream anything. There is absolute emptiness in my head. I only wake up when I heard the door slam into the lock. I knew it was Mokuba, but I didn't want to face him and locked myself in the room. Why didn't I want to see him? Why shouldn't he see me? Is it really that bad for me that I cry? Is it that bad when he sees what I feel? I slide down the inside of the door. I must be pretty cowardly. He's my brother. Someone's knocking at the door. "Seto? Are you there?" I don't answer and try to breathe as quietly as