Feelings ...
... from Kogoro

"For the last time, I don't need any help! I can handle myself!" I shouted angrily into the phone and hung up. That I could handle myself was a lie, I knew that.

I have to admit that I am grateful to Ran for arranging so many deliberate meetings with Eri so that I could talk to her and I now know that I need her by my side. It's been so long since she left, but I still taste her inedible food. She knows that too, I think ... I hope. But there is one thing I'm sure she knows: Ran needs us.

Ran grew up faster than we both thought. Soon she will be going to university ... to other parts of her life ... without a real family. I never thought I'd say that, but I hope that this kid from the school detective can offer her a better life than me ...

I went to the big window behind me and stare into the night with my own reflection in front of me.Boy how I've changed Back in the police force, I was respected, intelligent, and handsome. Now I saw a helpless old man whose life is determined by drinking, smoking and gawking at pretty young women, I even grew a mustache. Time goes by really quickly.

In the bathroom the rush of water died away; Ran finished my shower. I sat back at my desk and pretended nothing had happened. Shortly thereafter, Ran came into the living room and dried her hair with a yellow towel that Eri had given her a few years earlier.

"Who was that, Pop?" She asked.

"Nobody," I lied.

“It was mom, wasn't it?” She put a hand on her hip. "You fought again, didn't I?"

My answer was to turn on the TV.

"I know," she sighed. “Are you two never growing up?” She stormed into her room and turned up her system loudly.Normally I would tell her to turn the music down a bit, but not this time, I didn't have the right to tell her what to do ... because she was right: I should grow up. Sometimes I think she's a lot more mature than me. The rushing of the water sounded again, but this time it came from the rain outside.

I got up and closed the window, standing there motionless while I just heard the rain. The noise calmed my thoughts and the cold froze my soul. I closed my eyes and let my tears flow. It's been a long time since I last cried ... I've almost forgotten how good it feels to let your emotions run free.

I miss Eri.

My heart has said this over and over for years, but my pride has influenced my mind. I sat down again, stared into space without knowing when I fell asleep, without knowing when Ran came out of her room and cleaned up the mess for me and dragged me back to my room ...It was Inspector Megure's wedding day and I was invited to dinner at the Beika Hotel. Hattori and his family were there too. I walked through the crowd, greeted and talked to everyone. Ran was in an unusually good mood, which surprised me ... but somehow I already guessed the answer. I was strolling around the hall when I saw her. We looked each other in the eye, Ran's hopes rose, but to her great disappointment we passed each other without saying a word, as if the other wasn't there.

"Mom!" Shouted Ran. "Dad, why did you ... grr!"

Without saying another word, she rushed to Eri. In the distance I heard Ran's attempts to persuade him.

"He doesn't need me," replied Eri. "And I don't need him either."

I hadn't seen Eri for the rest of dinner. When I look back on it like that, I wish I had taken the chance Ran gave us. I wish I had pulled Eri to me and told her I needed her by my side.Today is our wedding anniversary ... Ran is visiting Sonoko in Kyoto and Conan is with Professor Agasa. I think I'll go for a walk.

Kogoro Mouri
December 15, 2004

*****

Kogoro closed the book by writing and put it in a drawer. He sighed, got up and stared at the wedding ring on his finger. He left the detective agency and went to a nearby park. A strong gust of wind blew several papers at his feet. He knelt down and picked them up. Footsteps approached.

"Sorry, could you give this to me?" Came a woman's voice.

Kogoro stood up, held the papers out to the woman's hand, and then saw the wedding ring on her finger. They speak to each other, both faces full of sadness.

"Eri ..."