With difficulty I put one foot in front of the other. Every step hurt. I turned around, I was alone. At last!
The tears ran down my face and I sat down on a bench a little further. Now it finally broke out of me
out. Crouching and sobbing, I noticed my pocket vibrate. I pulled out my cell phone and stared
on the number. At home I was finally home, I pushed the number away and pulled my legs closer to mine
Body, hands entwined over it. My throat went dry, while my face gradually got wetter.
So I sat, time passed and I didn't move. The minutes passed, but I sat there. After about half a
Hour I looked up again. My face tightened, the tears slowly drew into my skin. My joints ached for too long
I had kept the posture. My mascara was stuck under my eyes, my pants showed stains on my knees
Makeups since my head was on them.Gradually I got up and took a step forward, taking mine again
Cell phone out of pocket and realized I had more than one missed call. But I didn't have the strength
to call back. I looked across the street and heard the boys from the village in the distance. I took a few steps backwards
and waited until they drove past. The darkness had engulfed me. Now I was drawn to the street.
I knew there was no traffic at 4:30 pm. Not here, not here where there wasn't even a supermarket. For
every little thing had to be put in the car and driven for ten minutes.
I crept quietly to the street and looked into the night. I could see his house, far away. I could see how
the light in one room went on and off again a little later. Though I was sure I had no more tears
crawled another over my face. Suddenly seized by my own pride, I brushed it off and turned away.I didn't want to cry anymore, no more because of him. I never wanted that again.
But already at that moment I realized that I couldn't do it.
It vibrated again in my pocket. I thought about it for a moment, reaching inside and holding it in my hand. Same number
just like before. I decided to lose weight, but first tested my voice. After some cough, I got
again a tone and began the conversation.
"Yes hello?"
"Hey how .. how are you?"
"Can you imagine .."
My voice failed and another tear rolled down my cheek.
"I'm sorry .. I didn't mean for you .."
"It's enough. I know ... you just wanted to help me. Sure. I have to know what I'm doing and what I'm not doing myself."
"Still, I hope you know it was right."
"Yes I know."
"Well, can I do something for you?"
"Yes, please call him again. Please do damage control. I don't want him to think that I'm crying because of him."
"You do!""But that would destroy everything. Tell him that I really have to get out of his way first. Yes?"
"Of course .. and Sora?"
"Yes, Tai?"
"Please go home."
"How do you know?"
"I hear the wind on the phone."
"I will be in touch again later."
"OK."
With a heavy heart I hung up, turned and went to the front door. I walked into the hallway and prayed that mine
Family was already in bed. I should be lucky, probably for the first and only time that evening.
The door behind me snapped shut and I moved up the stairs, heard in the kitchen
a bottle of water and a slice of bread, hoping that the alcohol won't be too bad tomorrow
made and finally went to my room. After brushing my teeth and cleaning my face again,
I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling for a long time. But at some point I got tired and slept
a.

(.)

Awakened by the roar of my own head, I opened my eyes.I stared into the dark room that was only lit by a ray of sunshine squeezing through the shutters.
I closed my eyes again and put my hand to my face. It wasn't damp anymore. My hair smelled like the smoke from the cigarettes my friends had smoked the night before. I swallowed and noticed that my throat was dry. I carefully turned on the light and slowly sat up. The world was still spinning, like a chain carousel that was completely out of control. Thank goodness I put a bottle of water next to my bed last night, without which I would have been completely lost.
After taking a sip, I got out of bed and reluctantly looked at myself in the mirror.
My mascara was stuck under my eyes, there was even some of my lipstick to be seen, if not much.
My pillow, on the other hand, had gotten worse, all of my make-up stuck on it.I sat back again, only then did I become aware of what I had done!
I've got on really well with a boy from the village for a while, Matt. We have always had a special bond. First and foremost, of course, because we were among the 8 chosen ones who traveled to the Digiwelt to save this and our world. But there was more. We lived in the same village, as did pretty much all digi knights.
Because after the tumult around Digiwelt we (and all the other families of the knights too) had enough of the city. Everyone except Mimi's family had moved with them. Because we had known each other for a long time, we had done a lot together. We'd gone to the same school, danced together at our dance school prom, and celebrated a lot together lately. All too often I met Matt at a party and there I had talked to him for a long time. Now I had a certain picture of him, even if he was always very closed and didn't talk much about his feelings or his opinion, so I always thought to myself that he was definitely a very special boy.At some point I realized that it was more than I wanted. I had feelings for this boy who seemed so familiar and close to me. For a long time I had thought about what to do and had tried numerous times to get out of his way so that my strong affection would disappear. But it was never used. Rather the opposite seemed to be present. Whenever I met him somewhere, we usually drove home together and often we sat with him and continued drinking or eating fried eggs. Well, and then came the day when I couldn't control myself anymore.
It was a birthday, everyone, everyone really, was drunk and having fun. We danced, partied, laughed and he was there too. Again I talked to him a lot and had a good time with him and Izzy.
But then it happened, I got the idea that I could just tell him anything. The idea haunted me all evening and I just couldn't get rid of it. I talked to Tai about it because I thought he would be able to help me the best, and he loved it as much as I did.So I took my heart and told him how much I like him! His reaction to that was definitely all but not what I expected. First he asked if he had misheard, then he laughed and looked away the whole time. He couldn't look me in the eye. I repeated what I said and he still looked away. Then he started laughing again and asked me if I could forget all this quickly and if we could just keep drinking together. I told him that I would have thought that, that he would give me a basket and explained that I wanted to avoid him for the time being.
But that wasn't what he wanted to hear, he laughed again and stared into the darkness. He said that he could forget all of this and that I should never talk about it again.
Then it became too much for me: he neither took me seriously, nor did he feel sorry for me! He was just sorry I couldn't drink with him anymore. I felt laughed at and mocked.I walked away quickly and didn't say a word to him. I had to go very quickly because I could already feel the tears pouring out of my eyes. I ran right past Tai, who followed me and hugged me. After a quarter of an hour of unsuccessful attempts to console myself, I got on my bike and went home.
Yes, that was what happened yesterday and I noticed that it still hurt, but not even close to as much as yesterday.
I was still sitting motionless on the bed and looking at the door of my room. It pounded in my head and I froze, but strangely enough, I assumed this was just dazed.
I took my cell phone out of the drawer of my bedside cabinet, in which I had initially stowed it. Five messages and 2 missed calls!
The text messages were mainly from Mello, who was my best friend, and Tai's friend as well. She was very worried because Tai called her completely upset at night.I didn't really feel like talking about the subject, but I knew that I couldn't get out of the matter without an explanation. So I went to the back of my room and started the computer. At first I thought about getting a roll, but the bad feeling in my stomach area kept me from doing it. After explaining everything to my friends, I started the great distraction program: watching TV (my favorite show) all day. This is how my whole Sunday went and I really had to say, on Monday I was already convinced that I was over Matt.
Yes, I was quite sure: I was over Matt, pretty much anyway. I really had no more doubts about the fact that I brought to mind all the bad things I knew about him and each of his lousy qualities, and slowly but surely, I began to loathe the boy. Not just because he hurt me. No! Also because of the way he treated my friends or looked at people he didn't really know.On the other hand, I already missed the hours we'd spent at parties or afterwards. It was just so cool to do something with someone who doesn't belong directly to the circle of friends and who then really only talks to you.
But that was over now! Of course it was clear to me that I still had to answer his questions, but I could do that. Before I got home from school, I texted him to ask that he should come on today at ICQ. The hours passed slowly, really very slowly. Nevertheless, these came to an end at some point and I noticed how his name flashed in my contact list.
SO now or never, I said to myself and immediately started the conversation. I spoke to him straight away and since we lived in the same village, I limited the period of my crushes so that he didn't get the feeling that I had only talked to him because of that. Despite all my hopes to be able to speak seriously about everything at least now, he blocked again.Gradually I