Foreword:

This one-shot is especially for a competition at www.animemanga. de has been written. - There were 20 topics to choose from and I chose "Winter Dreams" because I got the idea one evening.
This story is written from a first-person perspective and while it sounds dramatic at the beginning, it ends "peacefully".
By the way, I'm not using names here so that everyone can see someone else in them. Whether the person from whose point of view it is written is w or m is also up to you - maybe someone will also see his favorite haras in it? ;-)

Similarities with stories, events, or the like of other authors are purely coincidental and therefore not intended!

30. One-Shot:
Events in a lifetime - Part 09
Winter dreams

I scream! According to!
I'm totally desperate!
Tears are running down my face ... running down my cheeks ... and I'm still screaming!
My voice cracks and I don't know if I'm really screaming LOUD because I can't hear myself anymore.
I'm trembling all over ... my fingers move uncontrollably ... twitching back and forth ... my body just doesn't know how to react!

I see you lying there ... on the ground ... motionless ... in the middle of the snow.
You're just lying there ... with your stomach on the floor ... your arms and legs stretched out a little bit from you.
The snow is so high that I can't see your face ... but I'm still sure that you are lying in the middle of the snow with this one.
You don't seem to be breathing because your body doesn't move an inch. Except for the cold wind that plays with your hair, nothing moves with you ...
Everything around you is white ... Everything is covered in snow ...
No footprints that lead to you or back ...
Far and wide nothing more than snow ...
All around I see the cold white ... and in the middle of it YOU!

I fall on my knees ... still can't believe that YOU are lying there ... but I feel that it is YOU! I can't see your face to identify you, but the shape of your body and the things you wear look familiar ... I'm sure it's YOU who is lying there!
My shaky hands are slowly moving towards you ... but bouncing off something! As if there is glass or an invisible barrier that I hit ...
I don't waste a thought in wondering what it is that is preventing me from getting to you ... I just know that it is there and won't let me see you!
My palms clap against it! - But I can't push it away! I have no strength to ...
I scratch it with my fingers while clenching my fists. - Then I hit it with my fists! On and on ... harder and harder ... Still shouting your name without me hearing my voice ...The tears are still making their way out of my eyes ... I don't feel the pain that I should have in my hands by now - the emotional one just predominates!
I close my eyes for a moment to mobilize my strength ... to scream out loud again in despair and strike as hard as I can!

I open my eyes! My heart is racing! Tears well up from my eyes! Otherwise totally calm on the outside, I can no longer calm down on the inside! I'm completely upset ... almost panicked!
Was that just a dream? I'm a little afraid to look next to me ... afraid that it wasn't a dream after all ... that I really lost you ...
But finally I hear someone breathing next to me.
It may be…?
As if in slow motion, I turn my head and squint next to me.
Now the tears keep flowing! But not out of desperation, but relief! - You can't imagine how happy I am right now! You lie next to me and sleep peacefully! You are not dead! You live!
I still can't believe it and I sit up to take a closer look at you.

The bright moon is reflected by the snow that lies outside like a white blanket on the world. Pure, clean, snow-white snow. - The same snow that I saw you lying in a few seconds ago ...
The bedroom window is tilted and a cold night air is blowing in. But somehow I don't realize this coldness.

You wake up. You seem to have woken up from my movements.
"What's going on?" You mumble when you see me sitting bolt upright in bed and staring at you.
But I still can't believe it ... I need certainty ... your mumbling voice still doesn't give me 100 percent certainty!
My hand is shaking a bit as I slowly move it towards you.
First, I gently touch your hand as if I'm scared of breaking you like a glass statue. But finally I embrace her tightly! I don't wanna let go of you I'm too scared that I'll lose you then!
Of course, my mind tells me that this is real ... that if I let go of you, you wouldn't just go away like that ... but my heart is too agitated! It drowns out the mind! It wants certainty! Don't want to let go! Wanna hold you forever ...

"What's going on?" You ask me again, worried. "Did you have a nightmare?"
* It really is! No doubt! * I admit to myself. * I can touch him ... hear him ... he is real! * I swallow involuntarily.
I didn't realize that you asked me something and are now waiting for an answer. I just heard your voice ... but didn't understand a word you said.
Even without me saying anything, you seem to notice that something is wrong with me, because without saying another word, you pull me into a hug.You don't say anything more. You just hold me tight - You know exactly what I need to calm down again.
I shut my eyes. My heart is slowly calming down and my tears are fading too. The only difference is that I still shiver easily ...
I wrap my arms around your neck and push myself closer to you.
In the meantime I can hear your heartbeat and your breath ... I feel safe again ... The panic from just now still sits on my neck, but I still feel inner satisfaction because I now perceive your presence.
Again you say something to me. - But I still don't understand your words ... Just hear your tender voice as it softly says something soothing. I don't understand your words, but I can tell by your tone of voice that you are worried about me.

After a few minutes - which seemed like hours to me - we're still sitting there.
"Alright again?" You ask me in a whisper.
"Yes ... I think so ..." I mumble.
“Do you want to tell me what bad dream you had?” I still hear a worried undertone in your voice.
But I'm scared to tell you. That's why I shake my head slightly. - How could I ever tell you that I dreamed that you were dying? No! There is no way I can tell you that! No way!
"Do you think ... that you can go back to sleep?"
Again I shake my head and mumble, "No ..." It's completely impossible to go back to sleep now! I am still awake from the shock of the moment - and yet dog-tired!
You sigh.
I can understand you ... But can't you understand me too? I'm afraid to fall asleep! Afraid that I might dream of losing you again!
I squint at the alarm clock's digital display - it's still the middle of the night! "You go back to sleep," I whisper. If I can't sleep ... or don't want to ... at least YOU should go back to sleep. - Of course, I would prefer you to keep hugging me and maybe even talk to me ... But after all, you also need your sleep! You have to get up early tomorrow - no, TODAY - after all ...

I'm letting go of you in order to show you that I don't need you ... that it is enough now ... that you can let go of me and lie down again ... that you have done enough for me now - although that is not the case.
But you push me back into the pillows, crawl under my blanket, snuggle up to me and pull the blanket with one arm so that it covers both of us up to the tips of our noses.
I thank you inwardly for that.
You hug me ... hold me very close to you so that I'm half lying on top of you.
It's so good ... so infinitely good to feel you with skin and hair ...

"Do you remember how we did this wonderful winter walk a few days ago?"You begin in a whisper. You speak so softly that I just understand you - but that's only because our faces are so close together. If I lay my back to you, I would hardly hear you.
With an "M-Hm", I express a "yes". Of course I remember! - How could I forget that?!
"The snow-covered landscape looked great," you go on. "The trees that were covered with a thick layer of snow ... The icy lake that we passed ... and all the snow-covered plants that were on the edge of the lake ..."
"Yes ..." I whisper. I can still remember it just as well.
As you continue to tell me about your impressions, the pictures from our walk come back to my mind ...

The sky was really blue ... Only here and there a white strip of airplanes - otherwise a perfect blue sky, without a single cloud.
The night before it had snowed really nicely again, so that the snow crunched under our shoes.
We were wrapped up thickly, as the saying goes: winter boots with a profile; lined gloves; a thick scarf around the neck; long winter coats that fell to the knees; but normal jeans underneath. However, we hadn't put on the hoods of our coats. It finally stopped snowing and although it was a bit cold, there was no strong wind to protect ourselves from.
I hooked and snuggled under your right arm. So we went all the way.
The path that we walked through the forest had already been taken by some before us, because you could see the many footprints on the path. Despite the winter we heard a little rustling here and there ... but also birdsong ... typical forest noises ...
The conifers, under whose white something green now and then peeked out, looked really beautiful ... But also the deciduous trees, which had lost all their leaves and whose branches were now covered with snow, looked wonderful ...
The sun's rays came through everywhere and made the snow appear even whiter ... that it literally glittered!
And first of all the lake! When we passed the lake, the sun was literally reflected on the icy surface! Snow had piled up on the ice on the bank, but that wasn't much ... At most a meter further on, there was nothing to be seen of the snow - only ice! The