sadness

I wish it was all just a dream.
I wish it hadn't happened in the first place.
I wish it would all be undone.
I wish it was all the same.

Only now do I notice that my feelings for you are still there.

At that time I was only recently separated.
Had a lot of stress and just wanted a change.
I wanted out, let off steam my newfound freedom.
But gradually I felt that I was developing feelings.
Feelings that couldn't be described.
I didn't know exactly what was wrong with me.
I could only guess that it had happened again.
That I lost my heart to someone I knew I would never be happy.
It hurt to know that this person would never love me.
Because I knew that person would never see me as a good friend again.
Yes, I tried my luck.
I met with him.
We had a lot of fun, after all, we had always been good friends.
We always laughed a lot together.
We always felt free together.
You made me forget my sadness
You were the reason I could laugh again.
You were the reason I could be happy
It was you who visited me in my dream and said to let go.
Letting go of all the pain
The pain I inflicted on myself.

We were on the road once, do you remember?
Do you remember how much fun we had?
What great pictures did you take?
Do you remember what I was worried about?
Do you remember when we slowly walked through the old town in the evening just to find something to drink?
That we drove to me afterwards?
And that we still had a lot of fun there?
We laughed so much even though you were so annoyed.
Not from me, I was always happy about that.
It was getting late, you had to leave me early in the morning.
We went to bed.
You slept on the sofa.
I was lying in bed.
How much I hoped that you would come to me.
How much I wish I could just lie next to you
How much I hoped to feel your closeness.
But none of that was there.
I fell asleep sad because I didn't dare to go to you and say that you could come to bed with me.
The next morning I woke up, sat up and thought that I should enjoy the last two hours with you.
I did.
But I still don't know if you enjoyed it.
Then you had to go.
We said goodbye.
Hugged us.
And I would have loved to keep sucking your great scent into my nose.
But I thought it would be noticed.
I waved briefly after you and you disappeared around the corner.
Suddenly she was back.
Sadness.
To know that you would never be mine
It tore my heart.
All I wanted was to feel a little love.
From you …
Just a small, tiny kiss would have been enough.
I imagined so much.
I imagined so much.
But …Nothing came of any of this.
I knew I was lonely.

We hardly see each other these days.
You hardly talk to me.
I not with you
I just don't dare.
I feel like I'm bugging you.
I have the feeling that you don't care about me anymore.

When we saw each other, you wanted to say something.
But you didn't do it.
You are silent.
Threw me into the ice-cold water.
Because I would like to know what you wanted to say to me.
Yes, I think you will never do it.

Despair …
Anxiety …
All of this is spreading inside me.

Thank you so much for this sadness.