It was already night. The others had long slept, but I couldn't. Like a trapped animal, I did my rounds in the library. I held a bottle of beer in one hand and a letter in the other. It was from her. I wanted to read it, but I was afraid of what might be inside. I didn't know what to expect. Would she apologize or blame me for everyone? Would she come back maybe?
I stopped and took a swig from the bottle and set it on the table. I took the letter in both hands and nervously twisted it back and forth. I took another deep breath in and out before finally opening it. I took the piece of parchment out of the envelope and unfolded it. I immediately recognized her neat handwriting. I closed my eyes briefly and waited a few seconds before opening them and finally leaving the letter. It felt like I was falling into a hole that was getting deeper and deeper and nobody caught me. Completely tired, I simply let my arm drop, still holding the letter in my hand. Her words flew around in my head.
differences
Changes
blockages
differences
realization
fears
What had happened that made her think so? Why did she just go and let me and the others down? Why couldn't she be happy here ... with me?

I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from A to where you'd 'B'
It's only finger lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My fingers in creases of distant dark places

My eyes were on the scrap of paper in my hand. I read the letter over and over again. Over and over again. And the more I read it, the more this helplessness overwhelmed me. She was gone. Just gone and she wouldn't come back and just didn't know what to do. I started my beer bottle to take a strong sip, but found that it was already empty. Furious, I threw it against the wall, which immediately splintered and fell to the floor. Restlessly, I started running back and forth in the library again until I stopped in front of the Grand Line map. I stared at her as if she was about to give me the solution to my problem. I slowly raised my hand and ran my finger over the map. On and on until I stopped on a small, nondescript island.
There she was. Your new home. Your new haven. There she wanted to start a new life. On the map it looked like it was just a hop, skip and a jump, but in reality it was a huge canyon that separated me from it. And the more I became aware of this, the deeper the trench became in me, into which I slowly seemed to sink. I should live without them. But it wasn't life without her. She was the reason I got up early. She was the reason I fought. She was the reason I lived
My eyes fell on a picture that was on the card table. I stumbled up to this and picked it up.It showed the whole crew, they too was on it. I closed my eyes and put two fingers where it was. I knew exactly where she was in this picture. I stroked it slowly and carefully, as if she was really standing in front of me. But the cold glass couldn't deceive me, even if I would have liked it to. Desperate, I just dropped the picture on the floor, where the pane broke. Just like it broke inside of me when she left. She managed to break me and I let it go.

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science
Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

It was loud around me. Men laughed, some women danced lasciviously on the tables and someone played music. I didn't care. I just went to the first bar that was in this city. I just wanted to forget and this was best done with alcohol. Grumbling, I pushed my empty beer glass away and ordered the next one, which was in front of me pretty quickly. I didn't even notice the women who walked past me every now and then and looked at me with clear intentions. Why? I didn't want anyone else. No, I just wanted her. I slowly drifted off. The noises around me fell silent and the figures blurred. Then this voice.
[i]"What would the others say if they knew about us?"I could hear them as clearly as if it was only yesterday when this said. I saw her eyes twinkling cheekily at me, her sinful lips twisted into a mischievous smile. Everything was fine then. Nothing points to this end. Everything was perfect.
"I think I've been waiting for you all my life."I can feel her head on my chest, like then. Her fingers brushing my chest. I felt her warmth, which let me fall asleep blissfully every night.
"You'll always be there in time. No matter how deep I fall."I feel her breathing in my ear as this whispered in my ear. It was real as if I was standing on the edge of the canyon again with her in my arms. And again and again I see their eyes, how they look at me in love. Her hands holding mine for fear I might leave. Her lips that just screamed to be owned by me.
I keep hearing her words that she whispered to me every night. Expressions of love. And I did the same to her. Nothing indicated that she would go. Nothing.

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

[i]After I have traveled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in

She looks at me with her eyes that have been a mystery to everyone except me. To me they were like an open book. I could read everything in them. Every thought, every hope, every fear, every wish. Everything.
She comes up to me and reaches out her hand to me. I close my eyes and sigh softly when I felt her delicate hand on my cheek. She stroked it slowly and tenderly and slowly walked along my face with her.
"Open your eyes!" I heard her request, but I left it closed. "No, I can't. My fear that you will be gone when I open it is far too great." My voice is low and trembling. I heard the fear of losing the woman I loved again.
“Don't worry, I'll still be here. I promise you.” Her voice was clear and bright and a warm shiver ran down my spine every time I heard her voice. Everything about my body responded to her. I slowly opened my eyes. The fear that she was no longer there was always in the back of my mind, but there she stood. Right in front of me. Just as pretty as I remembered her. She smiled lovingly at me. Her hand brushed my neck and rested on my chest. “I thought you were gone.” My voice was still trembling.
A soft laugh and then soft lips on mine that made me forget everything. It was only a brief touch, but more intense than anything else. “Do you really think I'd go away without you?” When she asked me that, it sounded so silly for me to think so. No, she wouldn't just go. She wouldn't leave all of that behind. Your life. "You know, I've been waiting for you all my life." she whispered now and felt her lips on mine again.
This time it was more demanding and I was only too happy to respond. Like a drowning woman, she clung to me and I kissed her like I had never kissed her before. My hands went all over her body. I wanted to memorize every inch. Every little bump on her otherwise soft and delicate skin. I picked her up by her hips and she cupped mine with her endless, long legs.I went to the bed, which was also in the room. I heard music and people laughing very softly in the background. We were in a bar room, but that didn't matter. Everything was forgotten, only one thing was important. You and I together in the here and now. With her in my arms, I fell into bed. We loved each other. It felt like forever. A sweet eternity that should never end. I took it all in. Her voice that changed so much as we made love. Your smell. Your stunning body. Her face which changed every second under me from sheer ecstasy. I shouldn't miss anything.
"I love you. No matter what will come. I will always love you." Her voice whispered again as she lay on my chest and surrendered to the comforting exhaustion. I felt her breath slowly calm and she slowly drifted away. My eyes also got heavier without forgetting her words.
A loud crack and I opened my eyes. The room, the bed, her in my arms, everything was gone, but for that I stood in the gallery bathroom. Still naked. I turned to the door and there she was. She had slammed the door and was locking it before she just took off her clothes and walked over to me. She was perfect.
"I've been waiting for you all my life." she spoke softly to me and circled me like a lurking animal. It all seemed so familiar to me. Like a deja vu. I knew what was going to happen next. "But sometimes it might be better to wait beyond life ..."
Her voice she was strange. Sad, foreboding and afraid. “Maybe, but not with us.” I am convinced of what I am saying. I believe it